When do we speak about a dead bedroom in a relationship? For everyone, the limit of too little sex will be different and depends on individual needs, but if there is only a few intercourse between partners during the year, there is clearly something to be done. And although it may seem a less common phenomenon, it actually affects many couples.
In the beginning, a relationship is usually full of passion and hot emotions. Over time, the temperature in the bedroom drops a bit, passion turns into intimacy and impatience of the other person into care and love. This is perfectly normal. What are the most common reasons for this?
Excess duties and fatigue
The rushing everyday life and the enormity of duties is a problem for almost all of us. Fatigue comes with them. We do not have the strength, will and energy, we are stressed by the emerging problems, we constantly do not sleep well, we neglect a healthy diet – all this kills our libido and the desire to be close to another person. We are too tired and stressed, and instead of passionate love we dream of a moment of peace and sleep.
Being parents can be a challenge for a relationship – when a little person shows up at home, the partners’ priorities it and daily routine completely change. Each of them most often dreams of a night without wake-up calls, instead of hot moments in the other party’s arms. Post-pregnancy women also often lose their self-confidence due to a change in their appearance, which means that they may avoid intimacy. Some men begin to see only the mother in their partner, which weakens their sexual attraction.
Fear of emotional closeness
Physical closeness also leads to emotional closeness, the formation of intimacy – for some this can be a cause for concern. Opening up to another person and showing yourself as you are can be scary – what if he doesn’t like me, accepts me, leaves me? And paradoxically, the more we care about the other side, the more fear it can make us feel. So we start to create barriers and move away from our partner.
Adultery by one of the partners is a huge challenge for the relationship. Time and space are needed to rebuild trust and closeness. Often, even in spite of official forgiveness and giving a second chance, somewhere in the middle we are still badly hurt and we separate ourselves from the unfaithful partner. The suspicion of adultery is also an effective killer of sexual attraction.
Same foreplay ritual, same position, no behavioral changes after sex – doesn’t sound interesting and appealing, right? No wonder that boredom kills libido and makes couples decide not to have sex, which is not fun for either party.
Disappointment with your partner
He was supposed to be a prince from a fairy tale, scattering rose petals on the bed and writing notes of love. She was supposed to be a princess who was unfamiliar with tousled hair, bad temper and “take out the trash” demands. In the first stage of a relationship, the hormonal cocktail in our brain can blind us to our partner’s flaws, and when the emotional storm wears off, we feel disappointed. It wasn’t supposed to be like that, it wasn’t how we imagined it.
Weekend closeness is enough for him, she would like to fall asleep in his arms every day. He wants to experiment, change and try new positions, she prefers an established routine and a well-known pattern. It also happens that the cause of a dead bedroom is completely different sexual needs and expectations of partners that were not revealed in the first stage of the relationship.
How to liven up a bedroom?
Closeness problems in a relationship do not have to mean its end – like any difficulty encountered in a relationship, it requires commitment and efforts from both sides.
- Rebuild open communication with each other – you will gain satisfactory sex, but also rebuild a relationship in general.
- Appreciate each other and your efforts – affectionate words, compliments, gestures of appreciation can be very stimulating. Details count!
- Be honest about your desires, fantasies, what you like and don’t like – open communication is really the key to success.
- Take care of the appearance – the most important thing is the interior and your feelings, but it will not hurt a bit of physical attractiveness. Replace your pulled-out tracksuit with something more tempting!
- Make time for yourself – even 15 minutes each day for an interview. Turn off the phones, be only to yourself and with yourself. Plan a joint date or weekend for the two of you – remember what it was like at the very beginning of your relationship.